...Solitary...

musings
dreamed alone at 12.30 a.m on 2007-03-31

its been a long time, hasn't it. hmm.

its one of those nights when i don't feel like talking to anyone so i hide in my corner of the online world with the little red man-figure on the bottom right hand corner of my screen. isn't it strange how we 'appear offline'. why not just sign out.

i guess, if there's one thing that being in rj has taught me harder than most other schools (probably) would have, itd have to be rejection. disappointment. failure, perhaps not in the eyes of the world at large, but in the eyes of the cloistered society of the 'premier junior college in the bishan-angmokio area'. don't get me wrong, i love the school and there's nowhere i'd rather have spent my last 2 years, but nowadays i find myself wishing that either i had worked hard enough to be in the top 50% of my batch, or that i wasn't born in 1988.

i don't really know why i want to go overseas to study that badly. but with columbia/upenn/cambridge v kindly slamming their door in my face, and chicago about to slam it shut, hopes are not high. although lse/warwick/durham/virginia are still open doors. actually. getting that handwritten note from the director of international admissions at virginia was quite nice. compared to all the 'i regret to inform you that we cannot offer you a place...' stuff.

oh this is all so random. am no longer hiding offline. dunno why.

found out something terribly depressing on thusday. which is actually quite stupid. but nonetheless. so wasted right marianne! goshhhh.

nowadays when i read your blog there's so much i don't know about and to think a few years ago we were close friends the saddest thing now really is that i don't seem to care

oh wow exciting news. tsktsktsk scandals people scandals.

and YOU. i can't believe you went into ocs for a 3 week confinement without your phone. haha. ok sorry nevermind.

anyway mundane update on what's been going on in life just cos one day when i'm 60 i might forget so i can come back here to read about it. if i even remember the url. if it still even exists.

been going out alot, except this weekend...been working too. marking compres makes me want to puke blood. went clarke quay twice in 2 days. haha. bought a new pair of shoes yesterday cos it was just one of those i-want-new-shoes days. oh and right there was results too. i just realised i haven't blogged since before results. whoops ok.

and i almost wish that i could feel like that too but somehow i guess that's not happening anywhere in the near future haha so nevermind i shall be happy with current states of affairs!

must. finish applying for nus usp tomorrow. gah. i don't even know why i'm applying. it feels like i'm just casting the net as wide as possible so i don't have to think about the fact that my particular net is full of gaping holes. does that even make sense? i guess not.

i miss my kindergarten kids. i miss luke and all the babies. i miss my class. i miss trixia and elly and angee and our breakfasts in the canteen during civics which mr mcc always said was "bonding time". i miss (almost) all the boys being held captive by the saf. which is one letter away from being sad. i just realised that cos i typed it wrongly haha. please don't arrest me.

wow it's 1.02 a.m. already. and i promised to sleep early. hahahaha. i go now. goodnight world.(=