...Solitary...

r/jc kids
dreamed alone at 3:09 p.m. on 2008-03-18

http://www.straitstimes.com/Free/Story/STIStory_216917.html

saw this on facebook. it's oddly and disturbingly familiar - doesn't it seem like they write something like this every year, with different people in the pictures and synonymous adjectives.

the (sad) thing about this is that what they say is actually pretty much true. nothing short of perfect is ever good enough for her. i spent weeks in the library studying for a's. i took 2 s papers. i got 3 a's, 1 b and 2 merits. i cried because this wasn't good enough for me. i am that r/jc girl in the article that appears every year in various incarnations. but don't they see that they have made us who we are too?

it's not as if i regret any of that. not the studying, not the 2 years of jc, nothing. i still call it the best time of my life. but i suppose when you look at it objectively, it isn't exactly the healthiest thing in the world.

i can't believe i came from an 'ivy league machine'. but i'm not in an ivy league! what does that make me?

and the weird thing is that what everyone says is true - that it only matters when you are there, and afterwards it fades into insignificance. no one cares what we got for our a's now anyway. how does life move so fast that the hugest thing in your life becomes something you barely think about within less than 2 years?

i think the r/jc girl in us never dies though. it still stings when i hear about people going to cambridge. mmm.

ANYWAY.

tell you a secret. i actually secretly take great pleasure in saying the words 'may it please the court...' even what follows that is sometimes quite fun. ohdear i must be weird. all the stuffy formality of the courts, in calling ANDRE 'your Honour', in saying delightfully deferential but actually rather snarky things like 'with all due respect, your Honour'...omg it is weirdly and almost sadistically fun.

see? i really am going mad.